There is a ...

There is a wake at the end of my street, a big yellow, funerary affair held 5 m away from where I sleep.
Because of the wake, cars line the tiny street and my yellow cab has to stop right at the beginning of the lane.
I literary walk home to a wake.

There is a sad occurrence in the world. Death.
Because of Death, I've lost my dearest god mom almost 2 years ago.
I have been to too many funerals over the recent years.

There is a thing called Christmas or in my life, DECEMBER!!!!
Because of this month, my wallet will bleed like a fresh body in an Iron Maiden and then suffer DEATH!

1. Nixon's Birthday: Nov 18
2. Tony's Birthday: Nov 24
3. Dad's Birthday: Dec 2
4. Judith's Birthday : Dec 3
5. Sinterklaas: Dec 5
6. My Birthday: Dec 8
7. Mom's Birthday: Dec 18
8. Opa and Oma J's: Dec 18
9. Christmas: Dec 25
10. New Year: Dec 31

I have too many "happy" occasions in December.

There is a man called Bert S. He is an obnoxious pig.
Because of him, I think I will have a showdown at the next J Family gathering.
I have no patience for him. May the fates help him.

There is a need for new jeans.
Because my current ones end up near my ass at the end of the night and I hate belts.
I have construction worker's cleavage at night.

There is a sale on all my clothes.
Because I like to buy new ones and the old ones take up all my space and money.
I have too many clothes

There is a end to my gym days.
Because from November 30th, I will be gymless.
I belong no where..:'(.

There is a celebration tonight and tomorrow night.
Because my ex-boss is having her birthday soon.
I turned them down cause I only like some people there. :( Bad Wendy

There is a function called Spell Check on this blogger!

Because I accidentally click on it

I have perfect speelling! :D

Paris, Pleated Skirt and Curling Tongs

Ohkay. No. this is not an article about miss paris hilton.

This is one good night. For me. that is.

I had an eczema outbreak so I had to go to the Pharmacy to get some Egocort cream. Lo and behold, guess what? they have come out with curling irons for only $15. I've been looking for one, but unwilling to buy one for more than $20. Oh Happy happy Wendy!

So i bought that, and I went over to the F.O.S shop next door. Now, 1 month ago, I wanted to buy a khaki pleated skirt but I kept being undecided about it, but in the end, after trying it on at the Jurong IMM outlet (note: western end of singapore) then going to Marina (southern end ) to find it, only to find that it has been sold, the nice girl at Marina offered to order it for me and have it send to the outlet near my house (EAST). 1 week went by, then a month. So basically, I have gave up all hope on ever owning that skirt.

Then today. I go pass there, I see it hanging on the rack there! My size! My skirt! wonderful.
When I went to pay? The lady went: ARE YOU WENDY? OH MY GOD! I CAN"T BELIEVE IT! I"VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR AGES.
me: er no!...are you serious! this is the skirt I ordered? what number you called?
Gal: ****2528!
Wendy: oh man...i'm at ****2526!

Argghh Urgggh!..but in the end, 1 month later, the skirt is still mine!..ALL MINE!
WHeee..:D

And 3rd Surprise... When i got home, my sweetest, nicest cutest boyfriend told me he had went out to book a trip to Paris! Woot! 5 days of Paris, even a day trip to Versailles!

wheeeeee

Happy Surprises Day!

Birdees

Plump Quail

Believe it or not, this is a call signal for one of the platoons of army men who have to report in today. The words Plump Quail flashed on our tv screen thsi afternoon to much laughter and LAUGHTer from my brother and I!

Hey, dude, which platoon u from? oh Strong Ox...and you?

Plump Quail ...
...
...

m.a.n.l.y

NOT.

just think about it..the name conjures up images of a fat edible bird hoping on the ground.

NOw...another word for you.

SPATCHCOCK.


i find it hilarious...yes it's another edible bird.

Flu...

After a at least 8 months of not being sick, i've caught the flu.
The funny thing?

My boyfriend halfway across the world is just as sick. Same flu, that he caught from his 1 year old niece, whose mom also caught the same flu and puke all over her husband's feet one night.

At work , Charmaine is not well as well, the guy in front of me, is also down.

Grrrrr....

This really sucks, to be PMSing and sick at the same time.

The only guy left at home is my brother. He has wisely decided to stay out of my way, only running errands like buying me Ben & Jerry's New York Super Chunky Fudgey wahtevery thingy. He has wisely agreed to every thing I've said and only answered yes to me so far.

Haha, not too dumb this time.

So watch out ,world. Do not cross me till either THING goes away.

Bag it!

Marc Jacobs Venetia with Suede Lining


I'm in a quandry. Recently, I spotted (ohkay i went out searching for it) a fake Marc Jacob Venetia.
The brown one with a suede lining?
Yeah. It's quite gorgeous, except that it has very glaring stitching as compared to the real deal.
Also, it's $185 (SGD) as compared to $975 USD.

So...that's my dilemma, should i get the fake one, which is quite gorgeous in it's own right, or should i just go ahead and buy a real DKNY which is a well, lesser version, but of course the price is much lesser too.

Yes, I know, airhead directions in life, but well.

My new baby!

My new baby!

My new shoe! Finally, a Marc Jacob Tweed Round Toe Pump look-alike in my size!
Rejoice!
It didn't break the bank too!

Woohooo!

My New Play: Man on the train!

I had the greatest pleasure of taking the train at 1.00pm today! On my way to gym, then later saunter in leisurely into the office.

I stood there, Car No: 3340 Door: 34
Westbound to Boonlay, Destination Tanjong Pagar.

Suddenly I thought, oh shit! didn't bring my phone out with me. But fret not, my journey to town suddenly exploded into the high echelons of reality drama when this burly chinese guy in his mid 30s, pretty ohkaay casually dressed started to yell loudly, uncontrollably and unintelligebly into his mobile phone ear piece while facing the opposite door.

A few pointers:
How loudly?: Passengers in the train visibly jumped.
How weird?: People thought he was nuts.
How so?: He looked like he was talking to himself (earpiece..:D)
How unintelligible?: I thought he was not Singaporean at first, speaking a rough mix of dialect Korean or something.

Now for the fun part. This shouting man, talks loudly then suddenly lets out long shouts of anguish to the phone and people who have just stepped into the train, not knowing who they were standing near, suddenly all jump up in unision and the scatter towards the centre of the train (wow! effective SMRT take note?) I figured out after a loong while that he was yelling about some $3000 and that "daddy die of heatstroke!" (I KID YOU NOT)
(and i thought i started to understood a mutated Korean language)

So for the next 30 mins, my great amusement was made up of people milling in, then all jumping scattering away, then eyeing that man with a mixture of fear, loathing, curiousity and derision.

It's quite something to see...EVERYONE i mean a good sincere section of the local community had the same reaction.

Wow. I've decided. If i ever should direct a play, I'm gonna stage this. Make the audiences buy tickets then make them gather in a foyer of sorts. Then, have this crazy dude come in, and of course a few other actors to spice things up and the whole play will be a culmination of audience reaction and how they play off from each other.

But realistically, don't think that will work in Singapore. How strange "reality" really is.

Boderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder
Article from Straits Time 10th November 2004.

Scary stuff to read.
I once had a friend, who was very whiny and needy to the extreme. Now that I see this article, I suddenly understand what all her fuss was about.

I Propose

Jimmy Choo

I've lost count on the amount of shoes I've broken thanks to the pavements in Singapore.

We're world famous for being clean and tourist-friendly.

Well, so much for that. Given the amount if women wearing heels in Singapore, I propose:

A Heel-Friendly Environment.

Perhaps we can start with a few areas, the CBD areas, the Orchard Road Shopping Belts even the airport.

It would be heaven to sink your heeled feet into plush carpetted areas, but of course that's not always practical. All I ask is for well-paved pavements, NO POTHOLES and the doing-away of drain covers that are death traps for stilettos. Also. PLEASE USE ANTI-SLIP floor tiles. My god! The walk from RP Station to Shenton way daily is a test of my heel-walking abilities. I have lost many a good heels to that.

You know, we could ask Charles and Keith and all the other local shoe brands to sponsor this effort.

Now that would then make for something called.

Uniquely Singapore.

Muse-ings

Every morning, when I walk the path from Raffles Place MRT Station towards Shenton way, I always see this lady in front of me. She's not very beautiful, or very well shaped. She's average with average chunks for legs. BUT!

She dresses really well. With thick red plastic frames for spectacles, and a 3 month old highlight of blond, copper and gold. She is always in some simple but well cut top that is long to elongate her torso and always, without fail, a funky skirt.

She might not be striking like a model. But she is super chic and funky in her dressing.

I love her taste in skirts. They are always simple but very special in terms of detailing and the best part is. THEY ARE ALWAYS FUN.

GLAMOUR Oct 2004 asks, who is your fashion inspiration?
well. For this month. Funky Skirt lady wins the cake.

She's such a GLAMOUR do.

www.glamour.com

Conversations with a Taxi Driver

M:Hi Uncle, Paya Lebar Station plszz.
T: Orh, station huh. Go Straight.
M: No, turn back.
T: Go Straight then turn left?
M: No, turn back. Other direction
T:Orhhh, U-Turn huh?
M: Yes.

Drives along about 10m.

T: Go straight or turn left hah?
M: Go straight then turn left.
T: Turn right keep left hah?
M: No. Turn left then keep to right, then turn left at the next junction.
T: Orh, ohkay, no turn left keep left lah!
M: Uncle. You go straight. Next one then you turn and keep right, because then we have to turn right and keep left again.
T: Orh, you want me to make the big u-turn lah!
M: No uncle.
T: This station is the one at Singapore Post?
M: Yes.

Exasperated silence.

M: UNCLE. TURN RIGHT HERE! QUICKLY KEEP LEFT!
T: Hah? here ? where?
M: Uncle, you turn now, then ohkay, keep left. Let me alight here at the kerb.
T: Oh you want to go towards the back?
M: No, there where the gate of the construction site is!
T: Orh...what construction site?
M: Uncle! Nevermind, just stop here! No double yellow line! can stop!
T: orrh, ohkay...you want to wallk?
M: YES! Just stop here!

I got there safe and sound. with a $4.20 fare instead of the usual $3.00.
I really like talking to taxi uncles. In general, they are well-informed, albeit in a very reach-the-masses kind of way; are humourous and talkative and kind.
But on days like this. I wish for a integrated road GPS system for Singapore.
It is so possible to get lost on a small island like this.

Weak-ness

My brother has a weakness. He has not much logical thought. You should try arguing with him, he exists within his own reality. Trying to debate a point logically is of course lost to him. Therefore, if there's anyone from any debate team, kindly come and collect him? He will exasperate your opponents to death.

Recently, we've been fighting alot, over his dalliance with this girl called Yvonne. I use the term girl loosely.

He seems to be addicted to SMSing, calling or just dissapearing with this girl. What are the conseqeunces of these?
$300 a month phone bills, the home phone is always engaged (even in case of emergencies), he disappears from existence frequently.

I've had the pleasure of communicating with said Yvonne on a number of occasions, namely when it's 3am, and I ask her to get off the damn phone.

Or when my brother utilises my youngest brother's mobile to sms her and in return the young kid of about 12, gets to witness lewd, barely legal messages returned by the girl.

The most recent encounter, is a testimont to her.

On saturday night, my grandmother was re-admitted into the hospital, we were desperate to find my brother and thus, out of desperation, we called her wanting to know whether she knew where he was.

Conversation happened as followed:
Phone rings and is picked up, amidst sounds of crowds milling about.
Y : HARLOW ( one of those big ah-lian kind of shout outs)
Me : Hi, may I speak to Yvonne? I'm Tony's sister, Wendy.Y : Oh, hiiiiiiii (suddenly all sweetness and niceness and suddenly became a pseudo-american)
Me: Yes, I'm looking for Tony, quite urgent, his grandma is in hospital. Is he with you?
Y : Errrhhhmmm, nooooooooo, hiiiiizzz knooot wifffth mee knoooowwwww.
Me : Ohkay, thanks, Let him know we're looking for him if you see him.
Hangs up and continues dinner.

On second thoughts, I realise that maybe she might know how to find his other friends as well, so I called her up again. This proved to be the highlight of my entire evening.
Pressing redial,

Me: Hi, Yvonne?
Y : Errrh, wronnng number.
Me: ?, Right...I don't think so. Who am I speaking to? (hello, I pressed redial, what wrong number?)
Y : Errrhhhmmm, this is SAM, yvonne's friend (yes..i thought i had a wrong number?)
Me: Right, could you "ask" Yvonne if she has Davis's number? I thought maybe tony is with him.
Y : Erhh, Yvonne lost her memory, no her phone memory is all lost, yes all the numbers are gone, her phone is lost! her phone is spoilt! (and in what freaking order did that happen? Miss wrong number?)
Me: Ohkay...You know what? next time, please come up with a more intelligent lie? It's alright if she doesn't want to tell me, but please be more intelligent. (Cannot control laughter by now.)
Me: Bye!

I hang up and told my parents. I can't believe this is the sort of idiotic bimbo that my brother hangs up with.


Later on at night, after coming back from the hospital, I told my brother what happened. He laughed with me. I had only one thing to tell him. That girl is WEAK.

He laughed out loud, but then mumbled something about how Singaporean girls were mostly like that. To which I smacked him over the head, and he said, No, not you.

Weak.

These elves..sigh have been mistreated by their respective Santas. They have been reduced to crumbling heaps of sleeping human flesh on the office floors. SANTAS..I hope your conscience pricks. Luckily, elves can be rescued with offers of treats and foods and goodies. Take note. 

IT People

I think I've been unfortunate, I've met a lot of people who are in the InfoTech line...ie..the IT people. Like this guy who came into our office today to fix our network problems.

Fantastic guy, he did manage to fix our problems, however, when checking up on various portions of network, he goes, oH yeah..check on the FTP server, I'm like..I AM CLICKING ON THE FTP SERVER...then he goes oh yeah, no check on the FTP Server, then he proceeds to click on the same icon as i did. WOw.Amazing.

Reminds me of a few previous cases. Somehow they all look the same, a little nervous, a little un-suave and always talking in a patronizing, condescending way.

Well done, we are of course IT-idiots. I don't know my HTTP from my HTML?

Case 2: Dad's IT Manager. For some reason, he manages to banish the taskbar from the XP desktop of my dad's laptop. I tried to bring it back, but whenever I click on restore taskbar, the whole thing crashes in an annoying high pitch tone. Of course, Mr Manager Genius, decides to split the laptop hard drive into C and D Drive with C Drive having a capacity of 3o GB and D Drive having only 3 MB! (WHY??) I totally dont' understand, then why do you split the disk? That 3 MB can't do much at all, It's barely a floppy.

Case 1: While working at the biggest architecture firm in Singapore. Our department's vice-president's CPU had a heart-attack and required emergency resuscitation to restore lost, valuable information. Said IT guy, who always reeks of BO, comes running up and after checking here and there, borrows my phone: TO CALL HIS OWN IT HELPDESK!
ARGGGHHH....amazing crap.

So what does this all mean? I have no faith in IT people, except the bengs working in Sim Lim. Now, those people know their shit, don't like to cheat your money and make for friendly conversation and company while you wait for your CPU to be rescued.
Visit them if you need help.

Diarrhoea-Cha cha cha

I think I've just had a blog diarrhoea.

I've blogged 3 times today. Wow. Not a lot for others, but just look at my previous post dates.

You know who else blog diarrhoeas?

http://xiaxue.blogspot.com

I can't help but like reading her blogs. Well what's not to like.
1) she's candid and farni ( not Funny, not humourous, just plain farni)
2) she's honest with herself. For that, I respect her.
3)Her name is Wendy as well.(There is truth in that myth after all)
4)I'm kaypoh and she dishes well.

Well done. I should control myself now.

Re-acquaintance

Great. The blog hung on me. So ohkay, this is my 2nd edition.

I loathe re-meeting people. They exist so much better in my imagination then in my reality.

Have you ever had one of those weeks, when people of your past seem to like to pop up in your life? One after the other, like some bad case of pimple outbreak.

WEll, I'm having on of those Re-acquaintance Week.

I've had my share of those, I can now sense them coming. I would usually be satisfied in the lull of my present life, and adjusting nicely to my new schedules, when I feel a brush on my neck ( ohkay ...not literary) and a strange shimmering in my vision. I know.I'm aware.

Then the people start to roll across my life.

I was at work, happily slogging away, then I was called into the meeting room. Who was I to find but my old classmate who is now worknig for a lighting consultant who is working for the firm that I work for. Weird. We were friends, but not that close, we shared lunches and all, but now, we look across, each uncomfortable in the realisation that we are not as close anymore and that roles have been redefined. Strangely surreal. We pass a few common courtesies and then we walk pass again.

Fast forward to a few days later. I was sitting happily in the air-conditioned of my mother's all purpose all weather vehicle. I look up and I see an Ex-Friend..more appropriately, an Ex-Embitted-Friend.
Oh gosh (oh god, oh allah, oh buddha, oh whatever...). She looks erm. unglam. she was in her usual tee n mini skirt get up, hair of course, unkempt and had packets of takeaways dangling off her wrists while checking out an offer on a japanese buffet restuarant. Guess, it took not being a friend to see her more clearly or rather harshly. My first thoughts were my god, did she see me? and then after being mean to her in my thoughts by seeing her so unglamly, I felt bad, I mean...was it because I'm not her friend anymore? but that aside, something worried me more. What if she saw me???
but nothing has happened so, I'm assuming, we've just passed each other's path again. Rather uneventfully.
But I hate that friendships take on the weird neurotism of relationships, often at the most estranged moments.

Then tonight, I met a mother of an old friend who also used to be my neighbour. Heard she's doing well, finishing her masters in law now, while her sister has gone on to Harvard for her MBAs. Wow. Hello inferiorty complex, buh-bye self esteem. I do wonder though, how she thinks of me when her mother tells her. Ah well. I'm not too bad off, and I'm pretty contented now. Or am I?

Nothing like a good dose of re-acquaintance to shake your faith in yourself.

I guess this is what they talk about when they say young adults have comparison problems.
I'm so guilty of it.

Then again, this is what you get when you stay in a SMALL country.
When there's sun most of the time, and you stay in a tropical country. Undoubtedly, people will pass through like shadows on a hot, humid day from a tree branch, moving across your feet from the incoming sea breeze.

BudaPEST

My dad is cute this way.

He asked me this morning, when I would be in Europe again, he needed me to go look at someone's office n facilities for him.

So he just casually asked me, as if he was asking me to walk to the end of the street to buy him some chicken rice;
Dad: Hey, Budapest is pretty, you wanna go there this December?
Me: Errrh..sure..why?
Dad: Oh I need you to go check up if this guy is telling the truth on his facilities(although in not so coherent terms, but i'm giving the gist of it)
Me: Errrh...ohkay, you pay ah?
Dad: Sure
Me: Weee(goes into room to check out the flight details / trains)

After an hour long of searching, I have come to a few realisations:
1) ITS crazy to access a Hungarian tourism site that speaks only Magyar...Because of course..no tourist would want to go to Hungary without speaking Magyar (ROIGHT)
2) It costs $500 at least for me to get there, not withstanding taking a train to Berlin, then taking an Easyjet Flight
3) I kinda don't wanna take the trouble, its not like I've not been there before.

Me: Dad, flight will cost you at least $300, not to mention my train ticket to Berlin. You sure you want me to go?
Dad: Erh..ohkay, I'll just pop by the next time I'm in the continent.
Me: SURE?!
Dad goes back into loo.

My family. The source of my joy n pain.

Constipation

It's been ages since i blogged. I have just experienced my first blog constipation.
According to my boyfriend (whom i introduced to blogging, telling him that it's a great way of letting off steam), told me to go blog, since i've seemed to be "keeping it to myself" a lot....OH THE IRONY...
But yes, I suppose he is right.

AHHHHHH..


I"VE LOST MY CHAIN OF THOUGHTS

MY MOTHER JUST RAN UP IN HER TANKINI AFTER SWIMMING IN THE POOL, BECAUSE SHE'S IN DIRE NEED FOR A TOILET..


KILL ME...KILL ME NOWWWWWW

(to be continued)